Salummy's Random Pen

Can you feel it, I do?

Call- box: The first time that I met you I felt like I have known you like forever. Those eyes, that beauty, magician you were, a thief of hearts, you are just impossible.

Customer Number 1: SK on the other hand is so elated, feeling so euphoric that for the first time in forever, someone has fallen in love with her completely. She dances in the mirror, sings in the shower, feels in cloud nine. Combing her hair has never been this exciting, but you know when you fall in love, you definitely behave like a weirdo.

Call-box: Why do I see you in my dreams, you beautiful thing. You set my heart racing and I can’t breathe. Please come rescue me before I get drown.

Customer Number 2:  (Narrating to her best friends) you see this guy, he is so into me. He loves me so much and he plans to take me out to the Marina this Saturday. What should I wear? I am so not believing this, like for real! Abdulbasit fell for me! That guy is the cutest thing I have ever set my eyes on!

An observer from afar…

Don’t mind my language but I call these types of guys, “Call-boxes”. They are out there, we know them, we see them but we pretend we don’t, and what we do as girls is to give them a benefit of the doubt. “oh, he can’t be mean”, oh this, oh that”.

It feels bad yah? To see girls your age go through the same drama with guys endlessly, and not deriving any lessons. Like really? A spade is a spade and we cannot say, oh it looks like a hammer somehow …

I have been hearing that play-boys, have a way with ladies. They have this sweet mouth, you see. They can make you (ingia box like pap)! But my fellow ladies, I will tell you, if he is too much swag, too much selfies, do you think he is husband-material?


And man, these types of guys boast like mad people! They have no car, no license, no house, no anything. What they have are debts everywhere. That car that is supposed to take you out is from a neighbor, borrowed, the meals are indirectly paid by the parents, goals; no goals! just praying to make it as Lil-Wayne Junior!


I am not being mean or imposing my opinion on anyone, but I should say that there is a big difference between a boy and a man, and as a girl, you should probably know which one is your type.

Check out the difference


  • Too much swag.
  • Pants almost falling off.
  • Too much selfies (here, we add some duck-selfies, camera 360s, chills and pouts).
  • Bling Bling (YMCMB), they “feel” they have it all.
  • When they move out with cars, Lord have mercy, the whole street will know (Music 200% volume: note: not normal music to sooth minds, crazy music that has no morals, no lessons, no rhythm as well).
  • Call-boxes (wanafaidisha safaricom), they call each woman, approach every woman.
  • Goals are not a priority, sheesha is!
  • They are not into love, In fact they don’t even know what love is, they know who a whore is though.
  • They are having 1M followers in Instagram, a lasting impression of an E in KCSE (ukiwauliza watasema, tumeonewa or hatukupata gomba). And man, there is nothing like that, they keep their books away so much that cockroaches get a place to sleep and spiders get a place to hang their webs!


  • They have pride a times but still work for a limousine.
  • Pants on point, sometimes suits. But whichever they wear, you go like, let me turn around again! (haha).
  • Less selfies, they have so much constructive things to do to waste on (spitud) pictures.
  • Turn down women that do not match well with their caliber.
  • Now these ones, they want a family because they appreciate love!


I am sorry to burst bubbles and as my friend Teiya would say, who is ready to lynch me or who is ready to pull that trigger on me?  It is so crystal clear, good is good, and bad is bad! If you want the call-boxes its fine, one man’s meat is another man’s poison but I would want to ask, don’t you want a man that you will debate at night with on the economic status of the country, over the education of the youth, over society improvement?

Don’t we all want men that we can look up to, like you walk with your man out there and people watch with envy, they see you as an inspiration? Don’t we want men that will stand by us, pull us up, so liberal and can help you out in the kitchen without feeling that they are having less of Y-chromosomes by helping their queens out? It’s sweet, right? And only men that are into books and into success can have time for you. They will have time for you and their job and that is fine, right?


And this behavior that most parents have (in my culture mostly) whereby a certain family knows that you have been brought up as a well-mannered child and you have your cooking game strong and they come rushing to your home with a marriage proposal to their son that is good-for-nothing ( ashamaliza kufagia wasichana wote) and then they come to your parents and be like, “Twataka muozesha Sk, mtoto wetu” Really? (gerrarehia) What are his qualifications? His social-economic stances? His critical thinking abilities? His goals if any?


That marriage proposal is so disorderly because if you did not teach your child to behave from day one, you cannot expect someone else’s daughter to carry out the duty for you!

My dear girlfriends please choose wisely, we don’t want Sacco-type-of-men right? Give me a High-Five!







6 thoughts on “Can you feel it, I do?

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